


Bicentennial Men

by Old Mythical Beast (OldMythicalBeastOfColor)



Category: Rhett & Link
Genre: (Might need that later), A Very Special Episode, Body parts kept alive in jars, For Science!, Friendship, Futuristic Medical procedures, Gen, Kinda Long for a one-shot, Kinda creepy (it was for Halloween), Philosophy: Greek Dilemma, Science Fiction, Virtual Reality GMM Mindcast
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-24
Updated: 2018-02-24
Packaged: 2019-03-23 11:42:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13786917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OldMythicalBeastOfColor/pseuds/Old%20Mythical%20Beast
Summary: The 200th anniversary mindcast of GMM instantly downloads into your brain, giving you a dynamic 3-D view of the show. In this very special episode, Rhett and Link undergo medical upgrades with final part replacements. But what if they had kept all their original parts, as well?If you're into science fiction and philosophy, check it out!





	Bicentennial Men

**Author's Note:**

> This week's Ear Biscuit about some of the possible repercussions of immortality reminded me of this long one-shot, Originally posted for Halloween 2017 on https://scarystoriestotellintherhink.tumblr.com/  
> For the Prompt: "Don't his eyes look different?"
> 
> R = Rhett  
> L = Link  
> VR = Virtual Reality  
> F/X = Special Effects  
> VO = Voiceover (Pick your favorite narrator)

BICENTENNIAL MEN

GMM Special: Episode 40,000

VR f/x: 3-D rainbow fog  
VO: "This instant mindcast is brought to you by Earth Nostalgia Ltd., bringing you realistic tastes, smells, and sensations like peanut butter, popcorn, and Sriracha, all the way to the inner colonies, since 2125. Try one now!"

VR f/x: fog clears, revealing:  
R & L at GMM desk, looking shiny and wearing white lab coats labeled "Dr. M Theoretical Physics" and "Dr. N Sports Medicine".

L: "After 200 years... Are we still us?"  
R: "Let's talk about that!"

Switch to intro VR f/x (With peppy retro theme song): The air smells electric, and you feel its chilly rush ruffling all your fur: you are flying through an animated mountain-scape, clinging to the back of a cartoon cockatrice. You fly into the open knot-hole of a hollow cartoon tree, and land with a thump on the real desk of the GMM set. The room smells like peppermint, and the lighting feels warm and welcoming. You hop off the cockatrice's back, look up at the monitor and see: yourself as a miniature Randler beside a miniature Belvedere, both standing on the GMM desk beneath the mic, in front of Rhett and Link. You stretch out your tiny wings and both of you animated beasts fly to comfortable audience chairs, where you land softly, turn around, and look up at R & L.  
(Peppy retro theme song ends, and Belvedere crows loudly  
to cue the start of the show.)

R & L: "Good Mythical Mindcast!"  
R: "And - Welcome to our Bicentennial Special!"  
L: "In which we ask the age-old question..."  
R: "If you live on a boat, and gradually replace every single part of that boat, is it still the same boat?"  
L: "What if YOU are the boat?"  
R: "It really is an age-old question, Link. It's called the paradox of Theseus's Ship, and it's the ship we're both on right now."  
L (looking at audience): "And if you've had extensive cybernetic part replacements, like we both have, you might be in the same boat as us!"  
R: "Well, today, this 'pair o' docs' is investigating that 'paradox', first hand."  
L: "That's right, Rhett, we are diving in deep, and we are bringing you mythical beasts along with us."  
R: "In celebration of the 200th anniversary of this show, both of us are having our last original organic parts replaced with cybernetic-clone hybrid upgrades, just like the ones that already make up 99.9% of both of our bodies."  
L: "As you may recall, for our 100th anniversary show, we both had our original brains mapped and transferred over to non-degradable crystalline matrices in our new robotic heads, all with no ill effects."  
R: "No discernible differences at all. We were, and still are, 100% us!"  
L: "For better or for worse."  
R: "What you probably don't know -"  
L: "-Because we kept it a secret-"  
R: "-is that we kept our organic brains alive, in stasis, together with all the rest of our original body parts, on..."  
R & L : "The Shelf That We Leave Things On!"  
L: "And as part of our 200th anniversary celebration, we're finally sharing that time capsule of us, with you!"  
R: "Or, at least, we're showing you the full, fast-forwarded, time-lapsed view of our growing collection of original organic parts."  
L: "Not including baby teeth."  
R: "-Just our original natural body parts that we've had upgraded... Mostly in the last 170 years, and mostly live on this show!"  
L: "And then, today, we will swap out our last original bits for cybernetic upgrades, and we'll add those parts to complete our collection, and we'll see who's got Theseus's Ship!"  
R: "You mean what if Theseus, instead of discarding those original ship parts as he replaced them, used them to build another boat?"  
L: "Or did he just rebuild his original boat, and now he's got two boats?"  
R: "I guess we're about to find out-"  
R & L: "For Science!"  
R: "And before you eject and down-vote this episode, please be assured that there is nothing graphic or disgusting involved in what you are about to see."  
L: "Kinda creepy, maybe, but not gross! Every piece of us has been perfectly preserved, so the parts are just like what you always see in the display cabinet at your own local cyber-medic office."  
R: "Not just preserved, Link: actually kept alive in stasis, and then repaired, good as new!"  
L: "So if you're not afraid of meeting our DNA source material-"  
R: "Our organic originals-"  
L: "Our clone-daddies-"  
R & L: "Here's to us!"

VR f/x: Switch to archival view of a tall dark shelving unit holding a few small jars, each containing unidentifiable tubular bits of flesh floating in amber liquid.  
F/X: Hovering black caption in Halloween Font: "The Shelf That We Leave Things On!"  
Caption disappears; an intern enters at normal speed and places a new jar. Contents: one finger.  
Music begins: "So Dang Dark."  
Video and music both speed up, with a steady focus on the unmoving shelves of jars.  
Behind a blur of moving people and robots and flickering lights, the shelf jar collection gradually grows into two groups of body part containers.  
Suddenly the shelf vanishes and the jars merge into two large tanks, each holding a tall figure cocooned in wires and tubes, floating in glowing amber liquid. The liquid turns glittery silver and the tubes and wires decrease, while both tanks morph into more advanced stasis chambers, until two human forms emerge from the receding wires, floating side-by-side in one large transparent stasis chamber. It is the original R & L, suspended in silvery blue liquid, connected to several monitors by only a few remaining tubes and wires.  
Throughout the time lapse sequence, the music has also gone faster and faster, speeding through the entire R&L music catalogue, and finally settling into a high synthesized thrumming with the bass undercurrent of a double heartbeat.  
The fast-forwarding stops, the music stops, the double heartbeat continues.  
The floating, wired-up R & L look just like themselves, but younger: they are breathing slowly and seem asleep.

VR f/x: Switch BACK to GMM set, R & L now both wearing hospital patient gowns and lying on hovering gurneys in the area beyond the desk, each attended by cyber-medic bots.  
The air smells antiseptic.

R: "This is it, Link, I'm finally replacing my last original heart valve, with a new improved unit partially cloned from that very handsome DNA original everyone just met."  
L: "And I'm swapping out my spleen for a new and improved model, partially cloned from my other me back there."  
R: "These latest cyber-medic bots are so amazing that hey, they're done already! Both procedures were practically non-invasive."  
L: "You can zoom in and re-watch in slo-mo if you need to study these procedures for med-school or cyber-engineering."

The two gurneys bend and fold into hover-chairs, making R & L sit up, and they pull up into position behind the GMM desk.  
The cyber-medic bots leave, flying low and fast.

R: "There they go, to add the last puzzle pieces to our organic originals!"  
L: "That might take slightly longer."  
R: "Meanwhile, let's see how our paradoxical boats are floating here."  
L: "Look into my eyes, Rhett; they say the eyes are the mirror of the soul. You still home in there?"  
R: "Sure am! What about you?"

R & L stare into each other's eyes for a moment then turn back towards the audience.

R: "What do you think, don't his eyes look different?"

VR f/x: Zoom in on L's blue eyes: they look normal - blink- solid silver- blink- normal- blink- solid silver- one eyebrow arches quizzically.  
Keep zooming in to the silver right eye, where you see the perfect reflection of the stasis chamber, now attended by cyber-medic bots. Keep zooming in, to a full (mirrored) view of the stasis chamber.

Suddenly, the floating L & R's eyes open wide: both men start banging on the glass, and their mouths start moving, but the chamber mutes them.

VR f/x: Rapid zoom-out from the reflection, from L's silver right eye, to a full-length view of Studio R & L still sitting and blinking in surprise behind the GMM desk.

Monitor alarms blare from the stasis chamber, and the thumping on the glass continues.

Studio R & L (over the noise): "You know what time it is!"

VO: "Say 'More' to download today's Good Mythical More Mindcast, where YOU can spin the Wheel of Mythicality!"

(End-theme music)

VR f/x: 3D rainbow fog

FIN


End file.
